The Loyalty of Water: A Yin-Yang Tattoo
Sunday, February 23, 2014 at 8:24PM Guest post by Lita A. Kurth
A Yin-Yang Tattoo
In Parkland, a subset of Tacoma near the Pacific Lutheran University campus, a placid blonde woman poked a tattoo onto my left hand, right where I can see it every day: the yin-yang symbol in red and black. A bunch of us got tattoos when we finished our MFAs, but up to the very hour that I had it done, I didn’t feel the time was right. I had thought I’d wait until I achieved integration or published my novel, but that afternoon, while a friend and I ordered matching felt jackets a few doors down, I experienced a sudden fierce urge to get a tattoo. Now I can look at it multiple times a day, a reminder of perfect balance.
The Divided Self
At a university where I once worked, professors laid their extra books on a hall table for anyone to take. I remember picking up a book with the title, The Divided Self, thinking, oh yes, this is about me. It was more about Victorian literature, so I set it down again, but I am a person often at war with myself. I am a person who says, “I’m going to lose a few pounds before AWP starting today” and then goes to Five Guys for a hamburger and fries. Then I’m surprised and angry. I declare to myself that, “I’m going to work on my novel today” and the day passes. I’m frustrated, disappointed, bewildered. It’s one thing to achieve balance between two conscious selves; it’s quite another to bring in the mysterious unconscious which seems to operate out of sight. I only see its footprint.
My Writing Avocation
Writing is miserably time-consuming, and within writing, there are multiple subsets to balance. I like and want to contribute political and spiritual pieces to certain organizations (Tikkun.org and Classism.org), but four hours researching a piece about the new socialist city councilor in Seattle or Housing Impact Fees in the Bay Area mean lost time for creative writing. Luckily, I have a tiny beloved writing workshop I teach; there, I can usually count on producing one or two new short pieces from our prompts.
But then, work on short pieces competes with the novel. On the other hand, to work solely on the novel makes it impossibly high-stakes, a mountain of eggs in a very precarious basket. I require short-term pursuits in the meantime to keep myself (minimally) sane. Does that make four subsets of writing? It’s not all. There’s also the reviewing for TheReviewReview.net, a valuable way to explore journals in depth and decide which to submit to. And there’s curatorial work involved with a reading series, The Flash Fiction Forum, a reading series my friend and I started. I definitely want to contribute to the community, writing and other, but to decide how much to give and how much to reserve for myself is not easy.
Occasional Miracles of Balance
Sometimes though, events stop competing and harmonize so that each contributes to the other. I recently joined the Working Class Studies Association because that issue is near to my heart, but it also happened that I met a publisher there over snacks at the conference. He was from Bottom Dog Press and was running a contest; I ended up getting a piece published in the anthology, On the Clock that resulted. And The Flash Fiction Forum is such a zesty social event and it has introduced me to so many wonderful writers and their work; it feels fantastic to offer a venue that serves us both.
And Teaching
I’m one of those writers who loves to teach as long as it isn’t four Composition classes at a time. To welcome young or novice writers into the writing community and nurture their dreams and skill is a role I am honored to play. Teaching makes the present a meaningful and valuable immersion in the writing life, today, not someday. Connecting with other writers, including students, on a regular basis, offering support, information, and fun helps me love the life of the writer whether or not I ever make any big splashes.
And Did I Mention: Motherhood and Marriage
7:15 AM, off we go in my Honda Accord, taking my daughter to high school. 2:45 PM, off I go again, picking her up. When I have time off, the interruptions of my day are mostly due to motherhood, sometimes marriage, but this is time I usually give willingly. When my child was little, occasionally I sighed for undivided time, but now she’s a teen and as much a supporter as a needer of support. We even read each other’s work. My husband too has to go in the plus column on almost every level. It’s true that sometimes I would rather write than go out, rather read than meet with a contractor, but I also recognize that I need the outward pull in order to write and be sane at the same time.
Yin or Yang? Yin and Yang.
I’m no Proust. Locked away in a closet for years, I produce not Remembrance of Things Past, but champion neuroses. We each must seek our unique balance; that’s been said many times. For me, community and family are vital, but I need to keep taking my own temperature, as it were, to make sure I’m not lopsided—or too lopsided for too long. At least, now, I have a constant reminder of the goal.
Lita A. Kurth teaches writing, with great pride and zeal, at De Anza Community College, and works hard through writing and other activities to help bend the arc of the universe further toward justice. Her MFA is from Pacific Lutheran University's Rainier Writers Workshop, and her cool is by Dial. Her work, fiction, poetry, and nonfiction, can be found by searching hard at such sites as NewVerseNews, Fjords Review (forthcoming), Verbatim, Tikkundaily, classism.org, and TheReviewReview.net.
Reader Comments (3)
Lita, I loved your post! Especially the idea of trying not to be "too lop-sided for too long." Definitely something I also struggle with. I am amazed by how much you manage to accomplish: sounds like a very full -- and fulfilling -- writing life!
Lita, I was honored to be present during the tattoo commemoration of your MFA. I was impressed by the permanent commitment getting your tattoo was. Is. Especially given your ambivelence leading up to that decision. The image you chose, and the decision itself, are the perfect metaphor for a life divided but in balance, a life that's unpredictable but with unflinching commitment. And, like you, that symbol is ever-present and ever-supportive of the people and causes that matter most.
Lita, what a lovely post. Thank you so much.